think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
