apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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