What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
