Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
