There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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