I think I am morally bankrupt
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
