I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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