i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
