I love black thongs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
