Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
