I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
