She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
