Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize