i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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