Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
