1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
