bring money and cleavage
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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