I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You work out of a Hotel?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
