my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
