What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
