He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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