I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize