After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize