I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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