so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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