I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
