Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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