Yo dont text me then not text me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize