There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
