Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
