Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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