Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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