I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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