just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love having hate sex.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
