I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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