so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
