she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
