you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
