So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need to stop coming to work sober
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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