How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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