We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
