11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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