i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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