i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
