my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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