Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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