He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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