i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
