actually, I'm a sock model
we made out on top of his cat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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