$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
