i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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