im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
