Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
