I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
