Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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