Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
