Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize