oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
