So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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