Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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