I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
