My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
