Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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