I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize