Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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