her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
