put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
