What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
