bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
