plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
