I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
