Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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