My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
